Taxicab Confessions
by CognacGirl-CG
Summary: Taxicab Confessions meets Alias - stories of the Alias characters blown completely out of proportion by a third party. One of my first attempts at writing humor. Ch 1 - Will & Vaughn Ch 2 - Francie & Clancie
1. Will & Vaughn

Title: Taxicab Confessions  
  


Author: CG   
  


Feedback: I know the fic is a bit stupid, but if you would like to leave feedback go ahead. I might even continue with the next set of people.  
  


Disclaimer: Alias is owned by ABC, Touchstone and is the creation of JJ Abrams and Bad Robot Productions. The concept of Taxicab confessions isn't mine, either. All credit for that goes to its creators and the people at HBO.

Summary: I was watching Taxicab confessions the other night, and thought it would be funny to put the Alias characters in the passenger seat to discuss their lives and have it thrown out of proportion by an outsider looking in.   
  


Rating: Most of it is relatively innocent fun, but I will put up an R rating just to be safe.   
  
Classification: Humor/Angst –sort of  
  
Distribution: Sarkgasm/Dark Enigma yes, if you choose, all others please ask.

Ch 1 – Will & Vaughn

Late night, or early morning in Los Angeles, weather is mild – close to 65 degrees – with not a cloud in the sky. Standing on the corner is a man, a ruggedly handsome one. From quite a few feet away, I see the elongated face and puppy dog eyes. He's dressed in a black, or as I get closer, maybe a dark navy blue suit, white shirt and matching tie. Just as he said he would be, when I got the call. Confirmation that he's my next passenger comes when he holds up his hand. So I pull over, and start my meter. 

He opens the back door to climb in. He looks nervous, his eyes darting back to where he was just standing. Before I know it, the other rear door opens, and a second man jumps in. 

Strange, I was only told one passenger.

"Excuse me, do you know this guy?" Even though I have little cash on me right now, I'm of course curious, for the life of a cabbie isn't always the safest. 

The first man, looking at me with a slightly wrinkled brow is relatively reassuring when he speaks. "Yeah, he's with me."

In my rearview, I catch a glimpse of the second man, equally as handsome as the first. He even has close to the same haircut. His attire is more casual, a thin crew neck sweater, with a barely seen white t-shirt underneath. I'm not sure, but more than likely combined with a pair of jeans. I catch a strange exchange of looks between the two; they appear to be more than uncomfortable. There's also that quiet discomfort, prevalent in a budding friendship. So, with my ever-observant eye, I conclude that this meeting is a secret. 

"So guys, where to?"

The first man speaks, appearing to be the one in control. "El Rancho tavern." 

It's a short ride to The Ranch, so I begin my night of intrusive questions, "So, are you two in business together?"

"Yes," comes from the first man.

"No," comes from the second. 

Interesting, first question and there's already conflict. Usually makes for a good ride. 

The first man tries to recover for them both, "Not directly."

"Oh," I reply. This could be a little deeper than I first presumed. They exchange another nervous look, trying to silently agree on some middle ground. I've seen this before, a lot more actually than I'd like to admit. It's likely one, or maybe even both men, has a significant other at home, unaware of his or likely her lover's doings. Who am I to judge? I've seen it all in my years. 

"Where did you two first meet?"

The first man still keeps possession of the conversation, "Our first actual meeting was in an elevator about five months ago."

Hmmmm… could he have been admiring him from afar? Is this just another Aerosmith song in the making? I'm not one to be shy, so of course I ask, "But you knew of him before that."

The first man looks at his partner quickly and lowers his head, in embarrassment. "Yeah. One degree of separation, you could say." 

Friend of a friend, one of the easiest ways to begin a relationship, also one of the most daring since the introducer could get put in the middle, if anything goes belly up. 

"How long did you know of me?" The second man chimes in, flashing a teasing smile over his partner's admission. 

The first man looks at his hands, unsure if he should say anything. "About a year and a half."

The second man nods his head, likely recalling the situation that might have presented itself back then. "Right after you met her."

Ahhh… just as I suspected, man number one hasn't completely come out of the closet. Probably still with a female just to keep up appearances. I do feel a certain degree of sympathy for men that are uncomfortable with leading an alternate lifestyle. Even though it's the year 2003, gay men have many obstacles to still overcome – friends and family accepting their natural attraction to the same sex, the lack of support when it comes to legal partnership, and not to mention their own comfort with finding love and affection from another man. It's a lifestyle I don't envy, but as I said prior, one that I also don't judge. 

"Given the length that you two have known each other, name something outstanding –good or bad – about the other."

The second man offers a curt answer, somewhat pained by it. "He tends to let his romantic feelings get in the way his professional duties."

The first man counters his statement with a playful comment, "He sucks at mini-golf."

His statement causes both to laugh. The second man looks at the first with somewhat of a confused look. "How would you… oh, you were there?" 

"It was pretty much our first date," he looks down at his hands again embarrassed by his admission.

Strange, and somewhat stalkerish; the first man considers watching his love interest play mini-golf without him knowing to be their first date. Very interesting, I thought I'd seen it all, but that is something new to me. They've become quiet again, it causes me to wonder if maybe there was some sort of argument before I arrived, or maybe they're still working out the kinks of the fresh relationship. It's too bad they don't go public, it's not very often two handsome men find their way to each other. 

"You both seem quiet, do you not get the chance to talk very often or something?" 

The second man seems to be a little more comfortable now. He offers me an answer before the first man can, "Not really. Periodically, he'll leave a note on my car to meet him somewhere, but our situation won't allow for much more than that."

"Like an empty cab," I deduce.

The second man continues speaking, "Well normally it's at this post office or the bench of a secluded park, but this time we decided to try something different."

"Ahhh." This time I speak it aloud. Both places crowded, but can be of extreme seclusion. Places where it's normal to make friendly conversation with the person standing next to you. I can be so dense sometimes; the second man's statement makes it so obvious now. Sounds to me that they have a mutual agreement about this, someone just wants the convenience of a booty call, and the other is willing to give it up. Looking at the clock, close to two am, about that time for the late night rendezvous with the one you don't want to be tied down to. It's a little promiscuous for my taste, but as I said before, I've seen it all in my years of being a cabbie and yes, I'm not one to judge.

As I pull into the parking lot of the bar, I take one last look in the rearview mirror at the two. It's too bad they are both only looking for a fling. They have so much potential as a couple. Per the norm, I collect my fare, and say my goodbyes.

"Be safe, but enjoy life you two."

With a thank you given from both, I'm off again, on my way to my next fare. The need of a late night cabbie never seems to end. 


	2. Francie & Clancie

*********A/N – So this is how I mourn. I find a way to bring some humor into my life. Hopefully I can make a few people giggle along. 

Ch 2 – Francie and Clancie

Another day, another dollar – or it may be more fitting to say, another night, and another opportunity to find out what really goes on in the "real world". It's close to midnight, and the full moon is on my mind. I could go into detail with the positioning of the moon, and the affect it has on people, but I won't. I've got a job to do here. I will say, that it's usually on a full moon that I meet the most interesting people. Hoping to relax, I pop in my Purple Rain CD and listen to the ambiguous one as he tweaks and croons. 

As I near the pick-up location of my next fare, I have a feeling that tonight isn't going to be any different. My next couple, from afar, appears to be as different as night and day, one completely dressed in black and the other dressed in mostly white. Extreme opposite in dress could mean the same in personality and demeanor. As I draw near to the curb, stopping to let them enter my cab, I notice my initial observation is incorrect. 

"Good evening, ladies." I greet them as they enter the rear. Taking an extended glance, I take in both of their features. Both women, black females in their late twenties, are equally attractive. That could be due to the eeriness of them looking exactly the same. Now with the combination of the full moon, I pray this isn't some sort of omen. I mean, I've known many sets of twins and I've always been good at finding the differences, but with these two I find the similarities uncanny. 

"Where to?" When I look in the rearview mirror, I see one immediate difference. The black one, I mean the one in black, has a menacing look in her eyes as she spies her twin. Both of them are quiet for a minute and don't speak until I start my meter. Time is money, they say. 

Finally my action brings the one in black to speak. "How about the nearest body of water." 

When she speaks, the one in white rolls her eyes. "And you're supposed to be a professional."

"Oh, you'll see how professional I am when I'm done." The one in black seethes through clenched teeth, and then looks the one in white up and down. "Well maybe you won't." 

Okay, usually when people first enter my cab, I get a vibe of what their underlying issue is. With these two, and the way their conversation is beginning, I have no clue. Wanting to go to the nearest body of water, and talking about being a professional. The only thing that comes to mind is a baptism, but at midnight? So as usual, I start my line of questions, which really come easy this time for I'm extremely curious about these two. 

"So, are you two close?" The rumors about twins having a second sense about the other usually rings true, but my question is asked in hopes of finding out details. 

The one in white laughs, a chuckle really. "Hardly, we just met tonight." The tone in her voice is bitter. 

Twins separated at birth, how interesting. Even though this isn't the first time I've run into this situation before, I sense something different about this reunion. It's definitely not a happy one. 

"There's no way that you can pull off being me for long. They're going to find out, and probably not too soon after." The one in white crosses her arms across her chest, still upset by this. "Especially when it comes to him."

So my power of deduction is leading me to think they're pulling off some sort of 'Parent Trap' thing. Loved that movie when I was younger, it always amazed me how Hayley Mills could look so different from herself with just a different length of hair. But I digress. If they want to get their parents back together, this probably isn't the way. Who am I to tell them though?

"We'll see," the one in black spats back. 

"Yeah, we'll see when you forget to put the secret ingredient in my Alfredo Sauce he enjoys so much." The one in white smirks in what appears to be a minor victory. 

The one in black looks unstrung by that comment and narrows her eyes at her twin. If looks could kill, someone would be no longer here. I'm feeling a little nervous now. This is way more intense than I first thought. I open my mouth to ask another question, but they seem to have forgotten I'm here. 

"He might like _my_ sauce better, did you ever think of that?" The one in black verbally slaps her. 

The one in white looks at the other, another look of obvious detest between the two. She doesn't speak though. She just sits there, eyeing her twin. Maybe it's not the parents that are to be fooled, the matter seems to be a little closer to the heart. Boyfriend swapping? 

After a few moments, the one in white takes her eyes away from her twin and stares out the window. "Wanker," she quietly speaks. 

"Did you just call me a wanker?" The one in black scoffs. 

"I did." The one in white's voice is raised. "With as stuffy as you seem, I'm sure you're from overseas. Shit, you're probably white too." 

Whoa, did I miss something? I know what a good tan looks like, and can guarantee that the complexion these two have does not have anything to do with the sun. There's no way they're white. 

"Well none of that matters now, I'm you and that my friend, is the final word." The one in black revels in her victory.

"Hmph. I'm still not telling you what's in my Alfredo Sauce."

The one in black, eyes her sister again, this time with a coldness I've not seen in a normal person. "I am _so_ going to kill you now."

With that statement, I stop the car. I have yet to have someone die in my cab, and will do everything I can to prevent it. Besides, I heard blood and brain is real hard to get out of the interior and even with my vast connections, I have yet to come across someone that does work similar to The Wolf in Pulp Fiction. 

After denying payment from the black one, I mean the white one wearing black, and making sure the white one, I mean the black one wearing white – God I need a drink – gets out safely, I punch the pedal, screeching my tires away from the curb and not taking one look back. I take a moment to turn up the purple one again, as he sings The Beautiful Ones, love that song, and come to a final decision. Full moon's – I'm asking for the day off next time. 


End file.
